georgia

so I wish my only emotion right now was happiness, but of course that is the one I cannot muster up.... not giving any background, what's known is known.... but I am really upset, and I am not trying to be selfish.... I just know I made a mistake.  It does not even matter, I just need to figure out what to do next.... Not living next to strangers is a big one, did not buy a duplex with family to have family move out and strangers move in, staying in manchester was better than that. I knew sam, and even before that shauna lind thved next door.  I mean there is only a doorway between us and god knows who else.... I don't want to feel weird with strangers poking around the yard, not sharing a pool or swingset with strangers.... If I wanted that I would have RENTED a duplex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Granted this is raw, only known less than an hour, but I am mad, and sad, and betrayed and dejected yet I understand he needs a job, guess I just did not understand that situation upon purchase....just like I am sure they did not see a yr fight between me and ray in their future.....yep so this is life, definately feeling a bit screwed by the plourdes at the moment, but just in this initial moment.  Kelly is like, you don't feel like this helped you - yeah it definately was a foot in the door, which just slammed me hard across the face - thanks.  She is like you can't get anything for $175k out there, no you could not 2 yrs ago, today you can, maybe not with all the land too, but this investment just feels like a big headache on my shoulders now, kelly is like we could by you out, and basically saying since you are so unappreciative go do it yourself....Yes of course, looking back things are always so much clearer,,, I wish we had waited 2 more years, houses are way cheaper now, but ha I thought the commitment was 6-7 yrs, not 2 and half....that is just like, why did I even bother, and I am committed to keeping B in goffstown, not the bus route though to her dismay.... I have no idea what will come next... trying not to be mad, but I feel left out and lost or something - blindsided perhaps.  I just would not have done this of course if I had known this is how short lived the deal would be - I was even telling ray the other day, with the way houses are we will have to stay here forever to make a profit, not to mention 1 side floods, but I guess the strangers will be able to handle that, yep now I am getting bitchy.... I just don't like things I can't fix in a flash, and this is something I have almost no control in at the moment, phil is in texas at the moment, not even like us as a house can begin to figure anything out.... but I guess when you just fly the coup, your problems are no longer here - yet I am glad he has a job he will like, I just obvioulsy wish it were here, or that we did not by jointly thinking we would live together to be bailed upon.... right now, in this moment it just sucks and there is a lot to figure out. 
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